In his Life Together, Dietrich Bonhoeffer makes a brilliant observation about the importance of confession of sins in the creation of a grace-full community. He insists that if people are not confessing their sins to one another in some forum (accountability or mentoring relationships, small groups, close spiritual friendships) that only a thin veneer of fellowship can exist: “The final break-through to fellowship does not occur, because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner.”
Grace cannot be unleashed where sin is unknown. And this requires that we be intentional about being real.
Perhaps this is part of why AA is so successful, not just as a means of fighting addiction, but in terms of creating authentic community. “Hi, my name is Bill and I’m an alcoholic.” From day one, everyone knows everyone else as a sinner, not a saint. In the last month I’ve had two powerful reminders of this in counseling situations where people have opened up about very deep areas of sin and shame. Getting a sense of God’s grace and acceptance of them through my grace and acceptance of them has brought some amazing healing already, and opened the door wide for more healing to come.
As a pastor, I feel a special burden to model this. I meet weekly with several brothers in the church to confess our sins (as well as struggles, weaknesses, fears, insecurities, etc.) and pray for one another. It’s a vulnerable spiritual discipline, but immensely freeing and life-giving. And naked as it can feel at times, I try as best I can to be transparent and vulnerable in my teachings. If we as leaders don’t let people see and accept us in our brokenness, they will never believe that others will accept them if they reveal their brokenness.
Here is Bonhoeffer’s quote in fuller context:
“He who is alone with his sin is utterly alone. It may be that Christians, notwithstanding corporate worship, common prayer, and all their fellowship in service, may still be left to their loneliness. The final break-through to fellowship does not occur, because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everybody must conceal his sin from himself and from the fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy…In confession the break-through to community takes place. Sin demands to have a man by himself. It withdraws him from the community. The more isolated a person is, the more destructive will be the power of sin over him, and the more deeply he becomes involved in it, the more disastrous is his isolation. Sins wants to remain unknown. It shuns the light. In the darkness of the unexpressed it poisons the whole being of a person. This can happen even in the midst of a pious community. In confession the light of the Gospel breaks into the darkness and seclusion of the heart. The sin must be brought into the light. The unexpressed must be openly spoken and acknowledged. All that is secret and hidden is openly manifest. It is a hard struggle until the sin is openly admitted…The expressed, acknowledged sin has lost all its power. It has been revealed and judged as sin. It can no longer tear the fellowship asunder. Now the fellowship bears the sin of the brother. He is no longer alone with his evil for he has cast off his sin in confession and handed it over to God. It has been taken away from him. Now he stands in the fellowship of sinners who live by the grace of God in the Cross of Jesus Christ. Now he can be a sinner and still enjoy the grace of God. He can confess his sins and in this very act find fellowship for the first time. The sin concealed separated him from the fellowship, made all his apparent fellowship a sham; the sin confessed has helped him to find true fellowship with the brethren in Jesus Christ…If a Christian is in the fellowship of confession with a brother he will never be alone again, anywhere…”
